Is that grammatically correct? Oh I DON’T CARE. I have a tiny white pimple sat on my tonsil. Bastard. Ever since I found out exactly what my tonsil was (I always thought it was two dangly things… I was brought up in a Christian household) I have been constantly worried that every tingle at the back of my throat is the dreaded tonsillitis. Everyone had tonsillitis when I was 7. Someone had it FOUR TIMES. It has recently made a dazzling comeback at our 6th form, smacking people in the throat in quick succession. This time it would appear that it is I who is to be the leper for the next few weeks. 

I probably have flu as well. Is the flu part of tonsillitis? My heart hurts. I think I have heartburn. What IS heartburn? I ate too many chocolate fingers yesterday and got indigestion. My eyelashes keep falling out. I have an itchy neck. Why not throw the plague into this walking fountain of illness? People will be afraid to look at me in case I release spores. 

I’m going to see The Mighty Boosh on Tuesday. I’m worried they won’t top Dylan Moran on Friday; a short but constant giggle-fest in that kind of “random” humour that no one really seems to do better than Dylan Moran. Or Bill Bailey. Or Chris Morris. Or Charlie Brooker. And maybe Steve Coogan. And Frankie Boyle. Oh shut up.
It had better be good. I’m seeing it twice.  

Right. Impending head explosion. I have to go to Meadowhall first to buy a coat because I fail to have one that is thicker than a feather.